she got really frustrated by me wanting to clearly define things and then be able to move forward, accusing me of having this convo over and over again. when what i want is just to have one conversation where we define where we are at and move forward, rather than having these ridiculous conversations where she makes a remark and obviously is trying to gauge my reaction, interrogates me about how i'm spending my time and who with, reassures me that she is not wanting to sleep around, but wants freedom and to maintain that she is "single" and not committed to me in any sense.
i told her i wanted to talk about that and she got angry. i told her what i wanted was just to say out loud and clear that we are either polyamorous or single and interested, and i could move on from worrying about what she's doing or what her intentions are, and also explore opportunities where i am at right now. WHAT I WANTED was to have that convo and talk about those things, what happened instead is that when i said i wanted to experience that freedom also if that is where we are at she signed off in anger. "go have fun then".
i realize i am full of insecurity but this is one of the few times i just said what i thought without trying to worry too much about how she will react, and therefore hide how i feel out of that fear. i don't know if i am being insensitive though or if i am just standing up for myself and not allowing myself to be used.