Self Awareness, is an interesting concept, and is one that I have a huge soap box on, but will, try at this time to refrain from jumping up on it. I will say that second to “love”, “Self Awareness”, is very close to my core. I have however found that most are not able to grasp this concept, or embrace the awareness of themselves… ok, now you are asking how does this tie in to values, and or boundaries.. like this-
A persons Values, are ever growing and changing, they will be more balanced if a person has a better self awareness, and is able to embrace who they are, if they are unable to create this balance and find this acceptance of awareness, their values will be constantly changing, thus causing a sort of chaos on both a psychological and spiritual level, we see this happen a lot upon a huge life change.. ie. A break up, it is what imho leads to a rebound, or a psychological transfer, meaning that we quickly attach to a person, based on the emotions we still have for someone else, and thus the become “bigger then life”, in a phase of chaos we need a hero, and we will often rearrange our values and boundaries to allow for this transfer.. It is a unhealthy thing to do, but something I think all people do to some extent, some of us more then others.
I do think that some change in values is good, they should change as we grow and learn as people.
I like the way one of the posters put it on this tread, breaking it down like “if a person, did this, it would be hard for me, if they could not do that”… it shows a level of respect and flexibility that I think is needed in any relationship poly or otherwise.
Our boundaries do not define us, we define them.
If you truly know your self, your flaws and your strengths, your boundaries imho come naturally.
What is, is, and what is not is not.
Most of the time what we end up in is not our ideal or defined by the values we have pre defined.
I think of boundaries and values like directions, we all write them, but hardly anyone reads or follows them, but the desk still gets put together, if you truly know how to do it and “buy” what you want in the first place..
So, bottom line, know your self, be who you are and embrace that, and your values will just be a natural part of you. Throw away the directions and enjoy your new desk.