Thread: Conundrum
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:16 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Tell him it isn't something he should be asking of you - it is something she should be asking you.

Why is he playing the middleman?

So, if she does ask you, then you can respond to HER request as seems appropriate. See if she asks nicely or does she come off like she's entitled? If you have issues with her that need addressing before you would consider a request like that from her, then there is your opportunity to talk about it with her. This isn't his business, really, to ask you to help her. If she wants help from you she needs to be a grown-up. He should just figure that she's going to take care of it and offer what help he can, on his own behalf, but he doesn't get to volunteer you and your truck just because you're in a relationship with him, too. Sheesh, that would piss me off.

And remember, you don't have to if you don't want to. If you feel uncomfortable saying "no" you can always make up some mechanical problem to get out of it. I know that sounds slimy but sometimes we have to fib to protect ourselves when others try to take advantage of us.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-30-2013 at 07:22 PM.
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