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Old 01-30-2013, 08:55 AM
Yumi Yumi is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 8

I really should keep up with this more often. Would save time on trying to summarize six plus months of activity.

I will go with the more recent.

My lover P whom I have been in a relationship with, got into a new relationship with B at the beginning of November. She is moving into the house that he shares with his poly/primary wife S, this weekend. Due to B's triad family deciding to separate about two weeks ago. There are other people whom live at this house that they share.

My first reaction to this news, was a bit of fear, as well as interest in how it would play out. Given that two of three of his lovers would be co-habitating with him. It also has become a situation where S and B are now dual-primaries to P. At times I feel like the odd one out of the party.

I have struggled with trying to openly communicate with P about issues that have arisen with his new lover B - in that I felt she was not respecting the relationship that P and I have, by way of extending her stay at his house, into P and I's time together.. or arranging a 'booty call' when she knows that P and I are spending time together. However I can't truthfully place all of the 'blame' on her, for I feel that P had not established healthy boundaries with B, and therefore allowed her to affect our relationship that way. I essentially felt very disrespected, and P was not hearing me when I was trying to communicate this to him. He finally realized it, and about a week ago told me that he had a conversation with her about boundaries.

Other things had gone on, to lead to my feelings being hurt. Which led to a couple of conversations between myself and P about our relationship. Expectations and other aspects of it. Sometimes though, I feel there are too many labels floating around to get a good grasp on it.

Through all of this, I have felt much more connected with his wife S, and love her dearly - even though we haven't spent any explicit time alone together, or more time than usual together. I think it came about, because by expressing my concerns and hurt feelings to P, it showed her that I was simply more than stoic - that I was actually human and had insecurities.. and wasn't perfectly okay with everything.

This last Saturday, a party was hosted by other poly-folks in the area. It was a fantastic party. I felt unbelievably free to be myself, and to fully take a leap into exploring poly for myself. I had a bit of trepidation about the party prior to attending, because in comparison P, S, and B and other people that I know who were going to by there - I am SHY. So I went to this party with the notion that I was going to serve myself and my needs. Not that I would be selfish or disrespectful to anyone else, but that I was going to have fun, and make sure that my needs and desires were explored when appropriate. Spin the bottle was played twice, kind of corny - but it was completely consent based by all participants. At first I just kind of wanted to play, but was too shy to actually take the leap and join in - for being a spectator is more comfortable than potentially kissing strangers. However a friend of mine gave me a little push, and I joined the game. I had a lot of fun, and was able to connect with a lot of people.. spin the bottle can be a good ice breaker.
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