"He doesn't deserve it."
Ugh. How to keep this succinct.
I asked my husband early on in the poly thing if I could sleep the night with my boyfriend sometimes (just generic sleep). He said no, and it was still a fresh hurt to him so I didn't bring it up for several months. I waited until he and my boyfriend worked some things out so I can mention it during a time where he'd be more receptive to it. I just asked if we could start with once every week or two to ease my husband into the idea. He said no again, but the reason why is what disturbs me. He said something along the lines of, "I know it's something that would make you happier, but I don't think he (my boyfriend) deserves it."
My husband is still really hurt about the fact my boyfriend agreed to date me. My husband's friends promised that they would never take his wife away. My boyfriend has never wanted to "take me away," but I think they are operating on different definitions. My boyfriend has not been as sensitive to my husband's feelings as my husband wants, so I know this dynamic is generating this reaction. Still....something about the "not deserving it" comment strikes me as not the right way to handle the request. It provided no solutions as to how we could get to the point where we can enjoy that someday. X_x;
Me: K, female, 27. Married to Y for over 4 yrs (male, monogamous, 33). Opened relationship to E (male, monogamous, 27) in a relationship vee.