Originally Posted by 2nite
WH, I'm not doing anything more than I would for a friend. I did the same thing for another friend last fall who was going through a horrible divorce, and I don't regret a single moment. I'm only trying to be supportive without regard to the potential outcome: I'm not pushing him to 'get this figured out so that we can get together' as all we really discussed is that it might be nice to date...we had this conversation only once, and it is what prompted him to revisit the dadt vs. open status with his wife. His marriage is the priority, and I'm doing what I can to keep him positive about working things out, like encouraging him to continue with counseling and suggesting resources that I've used in dealing with relationship issues in the past.
I'm speaking from the perspective of the wife who was surprised to hear about the very supportive female friends in my (ex) husband's life. Your friend did the right thing in speaking up sooner, rather than later, to his wife.
What I'm trying to point out here is that your being supportive or involved in any way at all may indeed affect the potential outcome.
Does his wife have reason to regard you as a friend to the marriage
I believe Annabelle is correct in suggesting stepping back gracefully. And GalaGirl has given some good advice which I believe gives a clear picture of how 'being supportive' often ends with and/or looks to the wife like deeper emotional intimacy, the kind that feels to wife exactly like an emotional affair (because it is), which will only tear the marriage apart further.