Thanks, GalaGirl. We've discussed those issues and are very much on the same page regarding each of your points. You have a lot of good advice in that.
WH, I'm not doing anything more than I would for a friend. I did the same thing for another friend last fall who was going through a horrible divorce, and I don't regret a single moment. I'm only trying to be supportive without regard to the potential outcome: I'm not pushing him to 'get this figured out so that we can get together' as all we really discussed is that it might be nice to date...we had this conversation only once, and it is what prompted him to revisit the dadt vs. open status with his wife. His marriage is the priority, and I'm doing what I can to keep him positive about working things out, like encouraging him to continue with counseling and suggesting resources that I've used in dealing with relationship issues in the past.