View Single Post
Old 01-29-2013, 06:10 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Specifically, it's when people describe a partner as "my primary" or "my secondary" that sounds bad. Even if you're using the labels descriptively, it still designates it as their role.
True. I tend not to use those labels either, because when I try to it turns into, "MC-is-my-primary-we-have-kids-and-a-house-and-combined-finances-TGIB-is-sort-of-my-secondary-but-we're-working-towards-co-primary-even-though-we'll-never-have-kids-together-but-will-live-together-and-have-some-shared-finances." Yeah, not fun to read, even less fun to say a hundred times.

That being said, "husband" and "girlfriend" are probably more prescriptive and hierarchical than are descriptive primary/secondary labels. My husband and I have obviously spent a lot of time and effort on building our relationship together. I am, without a doubt, more committed to maintaining that relationship. That's not to say I value, as a person, my girlfriend less than my husband. But push come to shove, there are sacrifices that I would make for him that I wouldn't make for her, e.g. moving across the country for a job offer.
Yep. Sucky fact of life that one cannot be in two places at once (TGIB is still long distance. That will hopefully change this year). I wish "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" didn't sound so...high school. I try to use "partner" but then that ends up feeling contrived (because it is) so TGIB and I revert back to "bf/gf".

Slightly off topic, I guess, but related to the whole "primary/secondary" discussion.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote