Last night was one of those nights that start early, end late (2 am), involve much sharing, crying, and soul searching, that was gut-wrenching and painful, and somehow ended on a positive note. Maybe this whole “emotional honesty and communication” thing is the right way after all.
It started badly. I had password protected the discussions with our friend and W’s guy, since she does the same. As soon as W gets home she gets my phone, resets my password somehow, and looks at the messages (all benign, boring stuff). She goes ballistic again:
“I don’t want you hiding these conversations with guy from me. I can’t control what you say and want to know what you’re saying to him.”
“I feel the same way. Yet you flat out refuse to let me read your texts with him.”
“Those are personal! I’m in a relationship with him. “
“But your guy and I agreed we should keep up the ommunications. The reason he met me alone was he felt I’d be more open and honest with him without you there.”
“And I was a nervous wreck over that. “
“Well let’s just open all communications and be totally transparent. There shouldn’t be anything you can say to him you wouldn’t say to your husband of 15 years.”
“I’m NOT showing you those messages!”
And so it went, round and round until we couldn’t talk about it anymore, not having reached a consensus. I feel that either we’re totally open and honest (my preferred solution), or we decide that we’re going allow one another to have private conversations. She wants to control my actions and conversations so badly it's maddening. One of the reasons I'm sensitive about this issue was the fact that she used texting so much during her affair, and took pains to keep them from me.
I’ll cover the rest of the night in a separate post. I don’t want this one to become a novel.