Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
To put it another way, the wife did not say "Hey, I'm poly. Let's discuss what that means for our relationship and whether we are still compatible as partners." She said "Hey, I'm poly. If you don't want to be in an open relationship, there's the door."
As I see it the options are still basically the same.
She had a radical worldview shift (which happens, and is perfectly ok). This shift will necessarily change her relationship with her husband. Sooner or later one of the people involved is going to either have a new shift in their worldview (putting them both on the same page) or they will have to live with a situation that is antithetical to how they view relating romantically. The short version is: in the monogamous format from which he seems to be functioning, one of them just sucks it up or leaves.
What you are talking about is courtesy, which I also find to be important but does not change the fact that the choices are essentially the same on his end. Nor does it create a coercive situation, it's just that the options were presented by someone who doesn't seem to care about the others feelings.
** To be honest I really didn't get that impression from what he'd said. It seemed to me that she wanted him to share her new poly life with her, not that she just threw it on the table and shrugged at his discomfort. I might have skimmed through the relevant part though