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Old 01-29-2013, 07:00 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I wonder how your views on living by right versus living by permission are affected when both or all parties are responsible for children. For myself, I can't see anything as clear cut as a right v permission dichotomy, because I do not have sole say in how I spend my time.
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
If I start to think that I am entitled to my partner acting in a way that I want them to then I am not respecting them as an independent adult.
As a parent, your children ARE entitled to you acting in a particular way (granted, not based on their wants, but based on their emotional and physical needs.) Children do not choose to have you for parents, and thus have no responsibility to respect your autonomy as an independent adult. You have the right to behave as an independent adult only so far as it does not detract from your responsibility to your children. They have every right to expect you to make certain sacrifices in order to provide a safe, loving, and supportive environment for them to grow up in.

Consequently, as a parent (partnered or not), you are entitled to expect your other co-parent(s) to act according to these responsibilities. By choosing to raise children with you, they have forsaken a portion of their autonomy. You have the right to enforce that when the children's needs require it.

Differentiating solo-poly vs family-poly misses the point. These kinds of expectations have nothing to do with poly and everything to do with family. The same types of expectations arise in family-mono. "No, you can't go out and drink beers with your buddies. You've been working late all week and our daughter needs her daddy to tuck her in tonight."
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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