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Old 01-29-2013, 05:11 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Since the definition (which isn't mine, I just pulled the top one I found first from a Google search) leaves the loophole in the end it does open up the word to any and all applications in which "some form of pressure" is applied. Taken to it's extremes (which I believe it has been in the current example) this does indeed make the word useless and can mean *literally* any decision in which one of the choices is undesirable enough to apply "pressure".
Not at all. There are two "choice" concepts at play here. One is where there are two options, both inevitably sucky, and one must be chosen. The other is where there are two choices, and one of those need not be sucky but is deliberately made sucky by an outside entity. It's implied that in order for a decision to be coerced, there must be a human agent doing the coercing.

The pressure is not inherent in the choices (poly or mono). The presure is applied by an agent dictating negative consequences if one of those options is chosen. Mono is not an inherently undesirable option, but negative consequences are attached as a rider by the person offering the choice. It's coercive because the agent knows that attaching this rider makes that option unacceptable.

To put it another way, the wife did not say "Hey, I'm poly. Let's discuss what that means for our relationship and whether we are still compatible as partners." She said "Hey, I'm poly. If you don't want to be in an open relationship, there's the door."

I don't get called polite in online forums like this very frequently. I'm adding this one to my sig so I have proof for all of the future times in which I am a complete douche nozzle.
Don't push it. If you become a complete douche nozzle, you will automatically cease to be polite. Funny how that works.

Originally Posted by Icewraithonyx View Post
My issue is that I'm asking about a situation that arose from a commited monogamous relationship. As Marcus has professed against monogamy and marriage, I find much of his input non-helpful. Like asking for advice on house-breaking a puppy and being told "Get a kitten". While logically valid, not very helpful to the original question.
No where has Marcus said "I disagree with monogamy and marriage, so obviously the solution to your problem is to get divorced and become non-monogamous." He has merely questioned your assumptions about marriage and partnership. Why does that make you so insecure that you need to try and shut him up? Do you deny that it's at least theoretically possible that you could grow apart as individuals?

Hey, I don't happen to agree with him either. But last time I checked, this forum is moderated for a variety of reasons, none of which is disagreement with one's opinion. We all come here with different backgrounds and beliefs. He's not holding a gun to your head, forcing you to adopt his opinion. In my experience, people have the strongest reactions to things that hit a little too close to home. If he's way off base, why not just roll your eyes and keep scrolling? The fact that you want to shut him up because you don't agree with his world view tells me more about your own relationship than the applicability of his opinions to your situation.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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