I guess I was confused by "double standard" because there doesn't seem to be one here in the polyship.
I am not sure but it seems to be something like...
a) I have a fear of losing my shared sweetie to another / or being abandoned / or an ugly break up thing. (Or something in that general bucket anyway. Could you elaborate on what it could be?)
b) My sweeties don't seem to have this problem. That makes me feel... (what?)
It seems to be about knowing yourself and being able to articulate what you feel about what you find inside there. So you can then move past "ID" and toward "figure out what to do next to resolve it."
Not that the polyship is operating under a double standard conflict thing. But that YOU are at inner conflict about wanting to be generous with your Sweeties should they want OSO's... and dealing with your fears.
Are those the two things that are "bumping heads" inside there causing you discomfort?