To learninginTN: have tried to get Hubby to MC, but the closest he ever came was to go to some of my depression counseling sessions with me. Also, I have not rewritten our marital history. There are specific dates linked to specific issues going back years, all before ever meeting Sweetie. Ive written more on this in the post preceding yours. I also wouldn't say Sweetie treats me like a queen, on several occasions he has taken Hubby's side and told me that I was being too hard on Hubby. And right now Sweetie won't talk, text or email me, nor accept any from me, for the next few weeks because he wants me to try and work out things with Hubby with out the distraction of him.
That said, there are a lot of differences between me, Hubby, and Sweeties relationship; and yours, your wife, and her bfs relationship.
1.) I'm not having sex with Sweetie
2.) I don't rub my texting/talking with Sweetie in Hubby's face. Contact with Sweetie is generally when Hubby isn't even home.
3.) the last time I even saw Sweetie was Dec 3. We had dinner and talked.
4.) the physical relationship between Hubby and I is not one of our problems, we have sex, actually great sex, 4 to 6 times a week.
5.) Hubby and I talk, I actually try to talk to him more than he try's to talk to me.
One last comment, I got involved with Sweetie when our agreement was in force. Therefore the rules were different when we got involved, and I followedthe rules. Hubby was the only one of us to take advantage of agreement before I became involved with Sweetie. I see it as more of a what's good for the gander is good for the goose type situation. We are supposed to make important decisions together, his making a unilateral decision backed up by an ultimatum makes me feel betrayed.