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Old 01-28-2013, 08:58 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

In the comments several issues I had with the article are brought up. I understand that she focusing on poly as it's portrayed in the media, which is not a topic I'm well-versed in, but I feel that her definition of what a "rule" is was not adequately explained before she discussed how bad rules can be. We are all adults, no one can force us to follow a rule, so on some level ANY "rule" can be termed an "agreement". Even if it's not something you WANT to do, you've agreed to it for the sake of your partner (or the sake of the kids, or whatever). She talks later in the comments about how important communication and clarification are, but in the main article she falls back on the idea that we shouldn't need rules if we trust our partners (yes, I'm aware I'm oversimplifying. It was a long article.). I DO trust my partners, but unless I know that they are uncomfortable with x, y, or z, how can I possibly make an informed decision about whether or not to engage in x, y, or z?!?

Also, regarding her take on hierarchy, there have been extensive discussions on this board about using primary/secondary as "descriptive" versus "prescriptive". I feel her "request" of the poly community to stop using primary and secondary unless you honestly mean the "prescriptive" use of the terms is unreasonable and unrealistic. While words cannot mean just anything we choose (Boring Guy, that was for you!) there are shades of meaning within different contexts. A "submissive" wife in the media portrayals of the 1950's is not the same as a "submissive" wife in a present day D/s relationship (well, I suppose it COULD be, but odds are it's not).

Finally, her use of the word "progressive" to talk about ways of looking at relationships irritated me. Poly is not more "progressive", nor is it "enlightened". Following that logic monogamy is then "regressive" and "unenlightened", which just ain't so. What's progressive is DISCUSSING various relationship options and desires, rather than blindly following the assumed standard. It's sad that communication with one's partner(s) is the enlightened behavior, but there you go. Poly itself is not progressive, it's just a different option.

And I'm not surprised you liked the article Helo. To speak plainly, as you prefer, some of your posts irritate me in similar ways.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 01-28-2013 at 09:11 PM. Reason: typo!
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