I'm married, and we are in a quad with another couple.
For a little history, read Feelings involved...
For TLDR, basically, DH and I swap with this other couple. I am in love with my OSO, and he has feelings for me, just not "love" feelings yet, because he wants to have all of the puzzle pieces together when it comes to our primaries first before he can let himself "fall" for me.
In the other thread I was asking about how to go about things when my OSO and I have feelings for each other, and the woman has feelings for DH, but he has no romantic feelings towards her. That is still the case, and I've stayed out of it as much as I can because it's their relationship and I have nothing to do with it.
But my OSO and I are watching her feelings getting hurt, because she cares about my DH so much, and he just doesn't feel anything for her more than friendship.
OSO and I are confused because DH says that he really enjoys her company, and spending time with her and talking to her and having sex with her, but there are no feelings more than friendship. To us, all of those things sound like there should be no reason for him not to have feelings for her... so we really don't know what to think.
I asked DH about it this morning to try and get an idea of where his head is at, and he agreed with the question, and the only answer he could give me was that he doesn't really get the "butterflies" around her.
I wouldn't be concerned about any of this and would let DH handle his own business, but it kills me to see a friend hurting, and to know that DH is a source of the pain kills me even more. Also, OSO has said (as mentioned above) that he just can't let himself explore his feelings for me unless he has all the pieces of the puzzle. I feel that's not very fair to me, but I do see why he could feel this way. He doesn't want to do anything to hurt his fiance anymore...also, he's afraid that if he does explore feelings for me and falls, DH will decide to pull out altogether, and even though both of them have told OSO and I that if they separate, then it won't affect us, we're not blind... we know that it will. And that scares the shit out of me more than anything else, because I've fallen.... hard.
Is there anything that I *can* do? Are there any probing questions that I can ask DH in hopes to help him figure his head out?
Any help is greatly appreciated!