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Old 01-28-2013, 07:05 AM
katja24 katja24 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 38
Question Primary & Secondary Broke Up

J came home tonight from his date with his secondary, C. It sounds like they broke up, and from the little bit of information that J is giving me, it stemmed from the fact that C felt neglected. J mentioned that his ability to provide emotional energy has been expended on me the past few weeks, and he has had little leftover to give to her.

I don't know how to feel about this. We had an exceptionally difficult week last week (re: Romantic Needs Not Being Met post) and we have both been in much better space with each other since Thursday.

I did not know he was not investing very much emotionally in his other relationship, and I know it is not my responsibility how he conducts his relationships and where he puts his energies. I do FEEL a sense of guilt for somehow causing this relationship to end, even if I logically KNOW it is not my fault.

I am assuming others have gone through a similar situation... I would appreciate hearing how others have coped with it, or if anyone has a different perspective of feedback to offer, I would appreciate hearing that as well. Thank you.

PS: It is not yet clear if they really did break up, or if C gave J a lot of feedback about their relationship and he is feeling upset that he hasn't invested enough energy into the relationship. He has shut me out momentarily.
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25 yr old queer woman with primary male partner, J
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