View Single Post
Old 01-28-2013, 07:02 AM
Velvet's Avatar
Velvet Velvet is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 36
Default A lot to do.

I have a lot of work ahead of myself. I've been gathering up all my notebooks I have ever written in. Since I was 12 years old (when I first had my first crush on my current lover BB) I have written down all my thoughts. It wasn't necessarily journaling, I just felt better getting all the thoughts out of my head since I had no one to talk too. So far there are 3 paper ream boxes full of notebooks. A lot of them are schoolbooks, but I need to go through them because sporatically in the pages will be my personal thoughts and perceptions.

Something I always worried about, when I was younger, that I would forget my perceptions and experiences as I felt them. That how I felt would be completely replaced with hindsight and other retrospective processing. I have tried very hard to keep both my thoughts and feelings from when they were new, and also let my present self feel how I feel about past events...I think I need a better way to describe that.

The plan is to scan all my hand written works, and put them in a chronological order. Thankfully I almost always wrote the date on pieces of paper so chronological order will be the easy part.

Just before the internet was a daily life thing, I used to write letters back and forth with my cousin BB. At some point when I was 14 or 15 they had proof of some suspicions they had between BB and I, and they unreasonably and beyond any measure needed freaked out at me. Later, I can write that down in here. But they took all the letters BB had written to me. He still has all the letters I wrote to him, but I really wish I had his letters.

This week sometime I am going to ask my Mother if she still has the letters my cousin wrote to me. I highly doubt they survived, but I have to try. This will also be another hint of sorts that I am romantic with BB. I thought of doing a combo for being out to my family of possible hints. Like a plot for a bad movie or something. Its the best idea I have right now, but she might just see it as me asking for papers of mine.
Your task is to acknowledge to yourself and others that every part of you has a right to exist.
Reply With Quote