View Single Post
  #3  
Old 01-28-2013, 07:02 AM
Velvet's Avatar
Velvet Velvet is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 36
Default A lot to do.

I have a lot of work ahead of myself. I've been gathering up all my notebooks I have ever written in. Since I was 12 years old (when I first had my first crush on my current lover BB) I have written down all my thoughts. It wasn't necessarily journaling, I just felt better getting all the thoughts out of my head since I had no one to talk too. So far there are 3 paper ream boxes full of notebooks. A lot of them are schoolbooks, but I need to go through them because sporatically in the pages will be my personal thoughts and perceptions.

Something I always worried about, when I was younger, that I would forget my perceptions and experiences as I felt them. That how I felt would be completely replaced with hindsight and other retrospective processing. I have tried very hard to keep both my thoughts and feelings from when they were new, and also let my present self feel how I feel about past events...I think I need a better way to describe that.

The plan is to scan all my hand written works, and put them in a chronological order. Thankfully I almost always wrote the date on pieces of paper so chronological order will be the easy part.

Just before the internet was a daily life thing, I used to write letters back and forth with my cousin BB. At some point when I was 14 or 15 they had proof of some suspicions they had between BB and I, and they unreasonably and beyond any measure needed freaked out at me. Later, I can write that down in here. But they took all the letters BB had written to me. He still has all the letters I wrote to him, but I really wish I had his letters.

This week sometime I am going to ask my Mother if she still has the letters my cousin wrote to me. I highly doubt they survived, but I have to try. This will also be another hint of sorts that I am romantic with BB. I thought of doing a combo for being out to my family of possible hints. Like a plot for a bad movie or something. Its the best idea I have right now, but she might just see it as me asking for papers of mine.
__________________
Your task is to acknowledge to yourself and others that every part of you has a right to exist.
Reply With Quote