My partner's health condition is one of those frustrating ones that swings between flare-ups, where she is very ill and can lose coping skills due to severe malnutrition causing cloudy thinking, and remissions where she can expect a virtually normal quality of life, with just diet restrictions and meds.
It did suddenly occur to me that our being here (if she was always ill) would have looked a bit bizarre.
I have been doing that reading about non-violent communication. It looks very promising, and I will find a way to learn these skills.
Thanks to everyone who reached out to me on this thread and gave me such valuable food for thought. You guys are awesome.