I am sorry you are hurting.
But here's the nutshell of all that:
- I caved and gave into her new terms, even when I knew it was not what I wanted to do.
Don't beat yourself up over that. I'm sure you were hoping for the best and wanting to be loving toward her. But do try to see clearly here. I think your love for her may be clouding your best judgement for your own best healths and well being. You being loving toward her is not HER BEING LOVING TOWARD YOU.
In your post you list how she continues to break promises and treat you in rude ways:
- passive aggressive behavior, fights
- breaking promises about bringing up the ex
- and knowing how you feel about the ex and how generous you have tried to be to work through it and include him in the polyship? Rubs your nose into it like it is a competition with that letter. For what? To stroke her own ego that she's so desirable?
Is this loving and kind behavior shown to you? No.
- She is not showing behavior of a loving, kind partner (poly or otherwise). Partners do not choose behavior that hurt their loved ones.
You are only a month into this polyship and are reaping this heartache. My advice to you?
- Could stop making choices for yourself where you do things you really do not want to do that undermine your own best healths.
- Could choose to break up, and spare yourself more shenanigans. One month is plenty. You do not need more. I know you really don't want to do that either, but it IS choosing your own best healths. (When two choices stink, pick the healthier one for your long term well being! You have to put your own oxygen mask on.)
We fought the next day. It ended when she very passive aggressively said she'd be breaking up with him. I told her not to bother, I didn't want her to hate me; in some ways, that'd be worse.
You sticking around to prevent her "hating you" makes no sense. Her behavior already demonstrates that she does not value you, love you, or respect you. That is painful to hear, I am sure.
But mentally "running away" from that knowledge is hurting you MORE because you stick around for more bad treatment. Her words say one thing but her ACTIONS are another. Believe her ACTIONS. Her words lie. Get yourself out of the line of fire.
You cannot control her behavior. You can control yours. Putting you into situations that are rife with shenanigans with this untrustworthy person? That's not valuing your own well being.
You could choose to value yourself more. Just leave and skip all that mess and do the TLC you need to heal, and move forward
to your next future happiness. Hopefully to a relationship that is NOT one where you are stuck in YUCK.
Again, I am sorry you are hurting. But please think about what you need to do to better care for your long term well being.