My thoughts regarding privacy vs abuse
There’s a lot of people who are against “airing dirty laundry”. These people think its best to keep personal issues within the bounds of the people directly involved.
This is a great theory-if you don’t dig too deep.
But, as soon you as you dig under the surface-it becomes glaringly obvious that this is a disgusting holdover from the controlling patriarchal society we are trying to evolve out of.
This precept of privacy is precisely what creates the dream environment for abusive behavior. People who are abusers, thrive in this environment. They can do whatever they want to another person and get away with it-because society is promoting that the abused should “not air dirty laundry”, they should “respect the privacy of everyone involved” and deal with any issues within the confines of the relationship…. Right-so they should stop the abuse by discussing it with their abuser?
Give me a break.
We’ve come a long way in recognizing that this is NOT a functional paradigm for abused persons. Yet-even as we promote support for women and children who are being abused by their spouse; we still hold to the same premise that created the paradigm that allows abuse in the first place! Talk about fucking ridiculous!
The truth is-abuse happens between adults who are the same sex as well AND it happens between adults who aren’t couples also!
Bullying, harassment, stalking are recognized as abuse legally. We DEMAND that people fight to stop these behaviors against minorities. But, we aren’t stopping the environment that allows it to continue!
When someone speaks out to a group and says, “someone I love/care for (or someone I don’t even personally know) is being bullied/harassed/stalked/sexually abused/emotionally abused/physically assaulted (or any other example of abuse)” we have a moral OBLIGATION to
stop the abuse
EVEN if we have doubts as to the claim, we still have the same obligations.
We have absolutely NO RIGHT to ignore the complaint. We have absolutely NO RIGHT to fling out accusations that they are “airing dirty laundry” or “breaking privacy”. OF COURSE THEY ARE. That would be because THE ONLY WAY TO STOP ABUSE IS TO ADDRESS IT PUBLICLY. The only way to stop abuse is to AIR IT PUBLICLY. The only way to stop abuse is to BREAK THE PRIVACY of the abuser. They are doing THE RIGHT THING by stepping up.
Even if it is determined later that they were misinformed as to whether or not it was abuse-BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!
Losing privacy is a small thing compared to losing a life. We should all be willing to lose a measure of our privacy in the interest of ensuring that abuse is stopped.
Cries for help should always be taken seriously and the accusations held within those cries should be addressed systematically. Not ignored. The person crying out for help, whether for them self or someone else should be comforted, listened to, protected and their accusations should be investigated. Unlike my local Polyamorous groups-the person making the cry for help should NEVER be treated as an outcast or demeaned for their willingness to speak out against abuse. NEVER.
When we disregard claims of abuse-we show all of society that we ACCEPT abuse. Furthermore, we increase the probability of harm for abused people, we decrease the likelihood that ANY PERSON being abused will feel safe in speaking out. When we disregard these claims in social organizations, we send a message out to the world that our social group is a SAFE ZONE for ANYONE WHO WANTS TO ABUSE OTHERS.
"Love As Thou Wilt"