Originally Posted by SpoofyCups
What do people here think of emotional affairs? The mainstream seems to define them as an insideous form of cheating, something absolutely intolerable.
I've seen people here who see them as cheating, and people who don't think they are, BUT... I happen to feel they are an insidious form of cheating, and intolerable to me. I don't see it as poly if it isn't ethical and consensual, and if you think your partner would not think it was ethical, you probably wont be surprised if they also could not tolerate it if they found out about it after the fact, especially when you've worked hard to establish a groundwork to be open that as far as he knows, is fine with you, if you haven't told him otherwise.
I would find it intolerable because when your partner(s) accept you are poly, if you feel the need to be furtive about things anyway, there is work to do. if you want to get emotionally involved with somebody until you feel brave enough to tell your partner what you really want, there is work to do. If my partner didn't trust me enough to be honest about their desires, I would gauge that our relationship isn't healthy enough to thrive in an open relationship.