Originally Posted by Kella
People always say about "surprise" non-monogamy that it isn't what the mono partner signed up for. But you know, a lot of things about my life aren't what I signed up for -- we've rolled with career changes, shifts in financial expectations, a move to the suburbs, a mental health issue... and there's pretty much nothing left of the fit, active, confident, downtown-big-city accountant I married. But I don't cry foul about "surprise" health issues or "surprise" changes in career and prospects, because that's... life. Sometimes life deals out surprises. Funny how fault and blame and charges of unfairness are laid when it involves sex and emotions...
I think the difference is that monogamy is typically
part of what a couple has very specifically agreed to.
Living in the city vs suburbs, sticking with one career--these things are not. Career changes and moves are typically made to better the family's finances, comfort, or lifestyle. Dating outside marriage is not. And health issues--they're often outside a person's control, as opposed to being struck with cancer or mental health issues.