It's hard not to view this as coercion Ice. Because that's kinda what it is. She fell in love, and now wants you and her lover and her wonderful life with everyone. I'm not that far off from your wife. I had an affair, was caught, was/is very apologetic. (the difference is that I broke off the affair, and came to the realisation that I was poly several years afterwards).
So maybe hearing some of what I think is the last thing you want to read, or maybe it will be useful, I don't know.
I felt horrible for what I did. So horrible that I told my wife (Aquarius) I would do anything to make amends. Breaking off all contact with the person I was having the affair with was an absolute requirement to keep my marriage from dissolving.
My wife sacrificed to stay with me, I could not also ask her to accept on ongoing affair as well.
If your wife is sacrificing nothing, and you are sacrificing everything, it's an imbalance that has to be sorted somehow. I don't know if that is the case with you, but it is unfair and more so completely unreasonable for your wife to have her relationship needs satisfied while you are left to pick up the pieces and somehow make a go of this.
Someone earlier in this thread said something about you needing to be a "real" man in order to keep loving her and wanting to preserve your family. (I just love how some women are so quick to define what a "real" man is!). It's not up to a woman to decide what a man is, it's up to us men. Period.
So what sacrifice is she making to show her love for you? What is she willing to do for her family?
Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way. - C. Hitchens
Me: Male, bi, 48, flexible