Originally Posted by katja24
I am an insecure-attachment type (I get easily freaked out by confrontation, think that we are on the verge of breaking up when we argue, etc), and I know this attachment type of mine is easily aggravated by having a poly reality. I work on managing these feelings as best I can.
Hmm. It seems to me that you have accepted a certain aspect of yourself, and perhaps that acceptance - which is a good thing when first discovering what's going on inside us - has turned into complacency. Don't make it a rule about who you are - approach it as a pattern you have noticed but can choose not to go there anymore. I think you might benefit more if, instead of simply managing how insecure and attached you get, strive to transcend it.
You don't have to say "this is just how I am, I always get attached and insecure." You can make every effort you can not to indulge in the behaviors and thought processes that bring those feelings up. It is a challenge, but so important. Start letting go, and acknowledge yourself for the things you do feel secure about. Pay attention to the things you say to yourself on a regular basis. Many of those self-limiting beliefs we have can shift with a reframing of how we dialogue with ourselves. You can break free and if you do this, you won't have to work on your relationship - it will automatically get better when you are more secure and less attached.