I think the main reason I still think of it as coercive is because, like PhilsophicallyLost said, I tend to view our marriage as a partner "ship", like a large boat. Me, Wife, and our children. Whereas it seems your view is more akin to two or more individuals, each on their own jet ski. In "jet ski view", if Wife wants to veer left, I can veer left as well or go my own way. In "ship" view, if she veers the ship left, my options are to continue with the ship or jump overboard, losing not only the ship but all the crew. Stopping the ship or veering back to the right didn't seem to be an option.