I occasionally use that phrase with the 5 year old. Becuase she gets on a whiney complaint train that is just about complaining.
On the other hand-our general rule at home is like galagirl said, time and place.
There is a time and place (and method) for addressing and discussing topics that aren't "happy/friendly/nice" etc.
There is a book called nonviolent communication.
ALso-check your local college for a class on "interpersonal communication" and see what they list as the curriculum. You may find they have a book or two on the topic. You can usually find those books at Amazon.
Also-Barnes and NOble tends to carry a lot of books that are "educational" so if you go to their website and type in communication or some such-you may find some things. Also-you can go to their stores and ask them where they would have something like that.
I find that using the word "interpersonal" in front of communication tends to help get to what is useful in search engines. And the business models are OFTEN VERY helpful!
They do a great job promoting communication in the classes aimed for employees.