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Old 01-26-2013, 06:13 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
I meant if my words will cause anxiety for the person listening to me. My baggage is all about not upsetting someone else by telling them things they don't want to hear. I was raised to stuff my own feelings/needs as far down as necessary in order to not upset anyone else around me.
This is similar to the way I was raised. My mother was (and still can be) very non-confrontational, so the atmosphere around our house was generally "Don't say/do anything to upset Dad!" My reaction, though, was to say "Fuck it" to tiptoeing on eggshells around anyone. Through my 20's if I wanted to say it, I said it. It's only now in my mid-30's that I'm learning to walk that "appropriateness" line, and I still struggle with determining IF this is the right time for bringing up something negative (Do we have the time and, if needed, privacy to deal with this right now? Do they have the emotional resources to deal with this right now? WHY DO I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS, WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY WHAT I WANT??) and I, too, deal with feelings of guilt if I think what I'm going to say will upset someone else. Logically I know that, guilt or not, it needs to be addressed. But I also don't yet know how to let someone know ahead of time that I have something more serious that I want to discuss without making them anxious about the upcoming conversation. Nor do I want to spring it on them with no warning.

So, really, this was a really long-winded way of saying I don't have any concrete ways to help you, as I'm still figuring this out myself, but I understand where you're coming from, I sympathize, and I wish you luck!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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