Thread: new to poly.
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Old 01-26-2013, 04:47 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,357

Originally Posted by zombiebunny77 View Post
For my husband and I, we weren't really looking for a third when it happened.
This sounds like the right way to go about it ZB77. I am always concerned when I see posts that talk about "looking for a partner" when the details of that partner are already decided upon. Usually it is the couple looking for the unicorn to complete their triad. This, to me, is going about building a relationship exactly backwards.

I understand that their are aspects of a new partner which would need to be in place in order for anything to happen. I have some pretty strict limitations on the type of person I will become romantically involved in, so I get that part. The part I don't get is deciding before hand what type of relationship set-up this person will be a part of; the role they will need to fill.

It seems limiting and unnatural to decide that the only person who will be considered is someone who will be the third peg in a triad.

What if they are only attracted to one of you but are a fantastic fit in every other way?
What if one of you is not physically attracted to them but feel compersion and comfort about the relationship otherwise?
What if attraction is mutual for everyone, everything is fantastic, but they don't want to move in and help raise the kids?

The people involved in a relationship are the only priority. If a structure must be given to the relationship, build it around the people involved, don't try and jam a human into a slot because that's the one that is open.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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