Helo: I am struggling with feeling like my husband wants a lot of my time. It feels like he sees it as his right, whereas I see it as my gift to give. I understand I've pulled out the rug with the whole poly thing and he needs support and love, but he's given me crap for talking to a friend for an hour because it took time away from him. X_x; Which is taking it a bit far, in my book. Otherwise, I don't feel our marriage has too much of an "ownership" perspective. I see marriage as a partnership where both people get a say, and if that work monogamously for some I think it's okay. I don't like the ownership perspective either.
Point three: There's the saying, "Old loves never die." I feel this has been true to some extent in my life, too.
Marcus: I can see the ownership perspective in a poly setting as well. I see it a bit in my own life. I do think logically my voice of self-doubt does result from the social pressure more than anything.
GalaGirl: "It's easy to get sucked into the people pleaser/diplomat role as a hinge. Neglect your own needs for rest because hey! You are the "greedy" one wanting to be with 2 people right? You SHOULD be clocking double time, right?" I couldn't have phrased it better myself. Lol.
Unfortunately, E painted that model of himself at Y's gathering BEFORE the poly happened, and before he knew of my reciprocated feelings. That's why it seems stickier to me.
InfinitePossibility: I struggle with the concept of children because of this, but that's a whole other bag that I don't have to handle this second. But I haven't figured out if I want kids or not either.
Thanks to everyone who posted. It's given me some food for thought, and I always welcome more comments. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me it's okay. XD
Me: K, female, 27. Married to Y for over 3 yrs (male, monogamous, 32). Opened relationship to E (male, monogamous, 26) in a relationship vee.