Originally Posted by Ariakas
I have to say the woman my wife and I are involved with could identify. While we are still working on building this relationship, and I haven't opened up a lot here yet, we go out, hang out, cuddle, have sex and truly care moving to love for each other (heck she is even talking of moving in with us in the near future).
However she is "searching" for a mono relationship and wants kids etc.
She is adament against calling what we have polyamourus, or even a relationship. We are just having fun with perks. We don't intend to debate what it is, we just want to keep communicating and try and figure out a way to make this work
Kind of my situation in reverse! I identify as poly, I live with a couple who identify as having an open marriage, and who are currently functionally monogamous. At one point, I had a relationship with him that he labeled as FWB, but that I wanted to be more, and she became progressively less comfortable as my emotional involvement became more obvious.
If it was up to me, we'd be in a V, and be able to make long-term plans for me being part of their life, possibly even including me having another child if it was economically feasible.
But she's not okay with poly, she just likes having a 3rd adult helping run her household, but she knows it's not fair to expect that of me long-term. Still, in a lot of ways we do function more like we're in a poly relationship than like we're just housemates, and I know it'll be difficult for the whole family when I leave- of course we'll still be friends, but I won't be invested in their daily life to this degree.
When I finally manage to get out of this mess, I'm going to only get involved with people who have the same long-term relationship goals as I do, which means that we'll all have to know what our goals are, or at least what we would and wouldn't be okay with.