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Old 01-25-2013, 05:01 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 138

Had a little issue last night. W asked to go see guy last night (after getting home from work at about 8:30), which would be the third night this week (basically every other day). I didn't feel like arguing or trying to make a point, so I just agreed, even though my heart was telling me this was too much. Especially since she has spent about a total of 4 waking hours with me this week, . So she left.

Then I texted a friend of ours that knows about our lifestyle, but thinks she is being totally unreasonable with this guy. I complained about her "putting in a one-hour appearance to tuck the girls in" and then leaving. He offered me some words of comfort about how maybe the NRE would start wearing off soon. W comes home at about 4:30am, starts giving me some kisses, saying she's sorry she's been so absent this week, then picks up my phone and starts going through my texts. She sees the above exchange, then starts giving me an earful of "if you have a problem with what I'm doing, talk to me, not him", etc.

Now, this guy is the ONLY person I know in person I can talk to about such things, and it's kind of comforting to have a guy to talk to (he's in the lifestyle, too, but as a swinger only, and does not at all approve of what W is doing). But I tried to apologize, but she still left for work a little angry. I'm a little miffed that she thinks it's ok to go through my text messages, but she has the messages to her guy (and a couple of other people) carefully password protected so I can't get to them.

So I'm prepared to talk to her today about having some balance, and that I need to have my physical and emotional needs tended to, since I don't have a girlfriend yet, and am not getting this from W either. At the same time, I want to come across as a little understanding about the NRE. When her guy and I met, he supposedly understood about his secondary role and that I needed me and my girls to come first in her life.

To top it off, she now wants to go out of town this weekend with guy to see a burlesque show. This would make the fourth overnight with guy this week. I told her I would think about it. But I'm prepared to have the discussion with her about how 1) I'm a little hurt she asked him instead of me, since it's been weeks since we went anywhere alone, and 2) how I'm uncomfortable I am with the amount of time she's spent with him this week.

One of the reasons I don't often share my feelings with her is 1) I don't want to seem controlling, and 2) when I do object to something, she argues with me about the issue, coming up with excuse after excuse, and just tires me out until I agree. She never seems to want to change her behavior based on my feelings, so I've just started to give up talking to her about these things. It's as if my feelings are irrelevant, so why even bother.

Fortunately we have our first counselling session this Tuesday evening with a poly-friendly counsellor. If any of you veterans have any words of wisdom, I would appreciate it, because I'm feeling pretty glum about things now.
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