I apologize for resurrecting this thread, but there have been new developments that are...troubling, to say the least.
Let me first say that, since my last post, I caved and gave in to her new terms. I told her to date him, but drop all other relations but him and I. Perhaps this was not the most self-respecting of decisions, but I simply crumbled. Perhaps if I hadn't and stood resolute, we would not have arrived at the current predicament.
This weakened compromise came about literally the night I posted last...the 7th. She texted her ex and put everything into motion, but he put her on the backburner for weeks. She waited on an answer, and even kept delaying the time when she would just say "Too late." On the 18th, he accepted. Now, up until this I tried to not think of it. When he accepted, all hell broke loose in my head. I felt uneasy, depressed, anxious, unsatisfactory. I had pretended it would not come to pass...and it did.
We fought the next day. It ended when she very passive aggressively said she'd be breaking up with him. I told her not to bother, I didn't want her to hate me; in some ways, that'd be worse.
Fast forward to last night. It was the night after our one month anniversary. Now, one of the things she promised not to do was to bring him up on her own. And what does she do? She (all smiles, no less) pulls out a love letter he wrote her while they were together. She shows it to a friend of hers and I (it's a beautiful letter) and says to me "Good luck topping this." And then goes further and says "And to add insult to injury, he's my secondary," as if we needed a reminder.
This hurt me deeply. It made me feel like I couldn't compete with him emotionally. Another fight between us broke out last night and we came very close to ending the relationship. When I asked her to break up with him, she said she'd resent me...which doesn't bode well for this so-called "trial period". She continuously says I'd hate anyone she dates when NONE of our arguments have been about polyamory; they've all centered around her ex.
I need advice. I don't want to break up with her...this is a last resort. I want to know how to handle this mentally and emotionally. How can I assert to myself that the amount of emotion she can invest in me can eventually equate to the massive amount of love she already feels for him?