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Old 01-25-2013, 04:33 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 351
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Here's an IM I got on OKC the other day:

"I don't know what I would say to you if I would message you."

I checked his profile. Low match percentage, nothing about open relationships (which is the main thing on my profile), not even any similar interests.

I replied politely to say that we had nothing in common so I was not interested.

His reply: "Wow. That's harsh."

I blocked him immediately.

18 months ago, when I first started using OKC, I was pretty clueless about online dating and the whole thing stressed me out majorly. I did end up meeting my lover-friend (seeing him non-monogamously for over a year now) there, but shortly thereafter I closed my profile because I could not handle it. Now I'm ready to try again. But I'm doing a few things differently.

1) Being very quick to block weird guys and delete not just icky messages but "iffy" messages too. Trusting my instincts more. Not worrying that I will hurt someone by being "harsh" in an OKC IM.

2) Not checking the "casual sex" box in "what I'm looking for." That was a tough one for me--I like friends with benefits and casual relationships, so it took me a while to figure out that "casual sex" on OKC seems to imply that you want to fuck creepy strangers. Ew. (I wouldn't have met my current awesome guy without that "casual sex" option, though, so we'll see.)

3) Using the poly label and being clearer about what non-monogamy means to me.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes.
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