GSAS082612, All I speak is my own words. I am no one but a girl of experience in poly-relationships. I am not saying I am an expert but I'm not an inexperienced child either. They aren't bashing you but just offering their own advice in a different and not so-nice way. And they are simply seeing things in one way, which is the perception you have offered.
Although, unlike Emm, I do not believe that you are delaying the inevitable, there is a chance that your relationship could work. Just because because there is a few messes do you give in? If there are tons of spilled drinks on the kitchen floor, do you replace the tile? No, you clean up the mess. You pick up your mess, and you fix it and it's better, you just have to remember to pick it up. Occasionally you will have to pick up other peoples messes but it is not reason for resentment.
Sweetie, there is no way around what any of us have really said. GalaGirl has offered good advice but everyone seems to be rooting for you to get off the forum or do exactly as they offer. You don't have to do what they offer, and some of the advice isn't exactly shatter proof. But only you can choose the path that you use. that is the only thing anyone can do in any relationship, poly or not.
Your threads really do remind me of when I was young. And they intrigue me. You intrigue me, your writing does, you talk of them like they are bad people then go on to say they are good people. Is it that you've posted these at the peak of your anger, am I right? I just see all these as rants but also a call for help. And there is not much any one can do other than offer advice. Good or not, it is your decision to decide.
I offer my luck