Thread: Please help.
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Old 01-25-2013, 07:16 AM
BreatheDeeply's Avatar
BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NewSouthWales&California
Posts: 62

Originally Posted by heather84 View Post

... I told him I couldn't be his sub because I knew he would want sex and I wouldn't be able to let go fully and trust him with that amount of devotion and servitude if I knew he was doing the same thing with other women. I knew it wouldn't work because of who I am.


After that first time of sleeping together I told my husband that I would not go down this road if it ever meant he would eventually want the same thing with another woman. That I wouldn't be able to handle it...

So now he is looking. And I hate it. I am broken hearted....

I have no idea how something so amazing has now turned into a nightmare. I am so happy when I am with my daddy but coming to a place where I'm ok with my husband's search is not happening. I don't know what to do. Please, someone help.
I've excerpted some relevant parts of your post. You mention how intolerable it is for your lovers to have other relationships. You have linked your identity with jealousy - and this is causing some serious problems for you. Look at your words with regard to other relationship opportunities for the men in your life:

Wouldn't be able to handle it
Hate it
Broken hearted
Not happening

Whew! That says it all to me. Those are extreme emotions, and resolving this emotional crisis currently requires you to deny them the opportunity at exploring other women. Interestingly, you acknowledge this about yourself and so seek fairness by denying yourself the same chance at happiness.

It's a lose-lose situation.

I can't see any way you can be comfortable with the above feelings weighing down on you. Unfortunately, emotions so strongly felt require an equally strong resolve on your part to change (that is even if you see yourself capable of change). Is this the conclusion you've come to as well? Am I just restating the obvious?

I don't envy the path you need to take in order to get to a better place emotionally, but it looks like coming here and asking for advice is a good first step.

Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way. - C. Hitchens

Me: Male, bi, 48, flexible
Husbanding Aquarius
Dating MsX
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