Originally Posted by LikeFireToIce
I just past this post and had to read all your previous ones to completely understand.
So, here is my input: I have been in and out of poly-relationships since I was 17. I have been with people 10+ my senior. I have never been happier than when I was with a man and woman who were completely compatible with me. But that is irrelevant. It's just simply an understanding to being with a "much older man". He doesn't seem all that old. He's 17 years your senior. My parents are 20 years apart and they've never been happier. The age difference doesn't seem as big of a deal to me.
You say a lot of the same things, in different ways, I am not sure if you realized this, but I have and so have many others but unlike what BoringGuy said, I am not going to be so senselessly cruel. All you are trying to do is get help it seems and I commend you for that. Not many really realize it and you obviously have a lot of love and care for these two but are blinded by the imperfection of it all. No love is perfect. Yes, effortless love is beautiful but no love is perfect, so you can;t say it is "effortless".
Now, your girlfriend. You and her seem to be at odds with each other, are you too similar, too different. Despite the "odds" your at with each other, passion seems to come from your end and that is important. Just make sure she knows that, not just you. You two seem to be wanting the same thing but going round and round each other, so you don't see the effort either of you are making. And that can be confusing. Just communicate. That is my biggest and best advice I can give as far as her.
I see that you yearn for a child as well. Waiting or not, you need to be on the same page as your lovers are. And I can see with why you are so upset with the loss of your daughter, I empathize with you, sweetie, I am sorry. I just have to say everything takes time. And you have to give it time.
My best advice, no one can change you, and no one can tell you what to do to fix it. Only you can. So, do it. COMMUNICATE and don't be irrational. Give each other time to talk. Give each other all that you need. alone and together. With just:
YOU ALL need that individual time and together time. It will be skewed and maybe you aren't ready but if you love them as much as you say you do, you can only do what is best for you, and if that's them, then you need to work on what you want to fix.
You've realized your flaws now, what are YOU going to change them. No one on here can tell you what to do. But also, it's not just you or them. or either or, you ALL have flaws to work on. Work on them together or apart, just work on them, you seem to need a lot of time with your lovers, love them, talk to them, communicate. Give them time, as they should give you the time as well.
Keep This Going. KEEP FIGHT AND KEEP TRYING IF ITS WHAT YOU WANT.
No one can make any of these decisions though. You have to.
Always here to help if you want.