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Old 01-02-2010, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by quila View Post
But I'm pretty sure the mono people here would say that there ARE some very real differences between themselves and their poly partners. And the differences are innate to the people, not a product of the relationship structure.
Sure there are differences. Monogamous people fall in love with one person at a time and polyamorous people can fall in love with more than one person at a time. Are there more differences than that?

Originally Posted by quila View Post
I guess it's a "chicken or egg" situation... if you say "I'm in a poly relationship, therefore I am poly" it's much different from saying "I'm a poly person, and I'm in a relationship, therefore the relationship is poly" ... Yet, neither statement is true. It's not like the poly person is going to say "you identified as monogamous when we started dating, so you have to stay monogamous throughout our entire relationship" (unless they're a hypocritical jerk). Nor is the poly person going to say "You're all I desire at this point in my life, but I identify as polyamorous, so I have to go find another girlfriend."
I suppose that's an issue if you let the relationship structure you're part of define your identity. I just don't see the need to do that. For me, those words describe my relationships more than they describe me. However, like I said, that doesn't mean that identity isn't part of the equation. It's just a matter of what's driving what.
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