I like how you've put this Quilla. Identity and actions are two different things. Your identity is who you are on the inside whereas the relationship structure(s) you have are what is seen by others. Who you are doesn't change but how you are living your life at any given time might.
I guess in a way it's similar to being bisexual. If you are in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender it's a heterosexual realtionship and if you are in a relationship with a partner of the same gender it's a homosexual relationship. Either way it doesn't change the identity of the individual in either realtionship as bisexual.
It's late and I'm rambling...hope I'm making some sense