Originally Posted by elliewith3
He has appoligized for it, he does seem to show remorse. But at the same time he expects me to go from it being just him and I, to being okay lets all live together in a lifestyle I never thought of as a possiblity especially considering that the person he wants to have this with is my cousin.
I have made her move out because as of now we need to repair or try to repair our relationship (we have 3 kids together). I love him and totally understand his feelings and want things to work out between the two of us first.
The big issue is that 11 days after she left he made me decide to weather or not I could accept her the way he wanted me to. I told him that I didn't know and wasn't sure and because he was wanting a decision right then it had to be no.
It was often said on the infidelity board I frequented for several years that it takes a minimum
of 2 to 5 years to recover from infidelity...and that's in the best of circumstances, with the cheater doing all the right things.
He is expecting the impossible. Three weeks after finding out he expects you to welcome her into your home???
Three weeks after my discoveries, XH was still ducking coffee mugs.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and recognize that this is an unreasonable request and are strong enough to tell him no, if he must have an answer right now.
I haven't been in your exact situation, but I've experienced a cheating spouse. I would recommend also looking into an infidelity forum. I can send you the link to the one I really liked and found wonderfully helpful. They were entirely supportive of trying to save the marriage if at all possible, never quick to say dump the bastard,
but I also felt they were very realistic about just how far one can really go and what should or shouldn't be tolerated. Lots of practical advice, and encouragement, no whining or pity parties.