A Sad Update
As of Monday, S decided that he can no longer deal with being in our relationship. L and I, as you know, have been having marriage problems, and S had to bear the brunt of some of those problems. We were not entirely honest, even when we were doing our best to be, and it came back to bite me, especially, in the butt. To say I am devastated is an understatement. He says that his feelings for me haven't changed in the least, and i shouldn't think that he doesn't love me, but that my marriage needs to come first and that I need to make significant changes in that in order to move on with my life. He's right of course, but I hate that it came down to this.
He said some very cruel things to L on Sunday afternoon via text message (this whole story is really long and involved, but I will post it if anyone really wants to hear it), which triggered her PTSD symptoms in a way that neither she nor I, once i found out for sure what was said, find acceptable. On Monday, after he dropped me off at my car at school and asked for his key back, i emailed him to tell him that i loved him and that this hurt like hell and that i'd miss him... he responded to that email with some things that were really cruel to me and really hurtful. I know that he's in pain from this as well, and that he's one of those people who, when they hurt, feel that they have to take that hurt out on other people, but it wasn't something he had to do by any means. He could have just said that he was unhappy and things needed to change. Yesterday he emailed me about returning the few things that i'd left at his place and said that he still loved me, which helps to know but also hurts terribly.
Last night i didn't sleep well -- i realized that he wouldn't be texting or calling before bed like he's done every night for the last 4 months to tell me he loves me.
Today has been easier, but also much harder, because my phone has been silent all day. We used to talk via text or voice dozens of times a day.
L has been very supportive through this, but is feeling now that i need to get started making the changes that precipitated this in the first place. I think she's right, and I desperately want to make the changes that I know i need to make in order for our marriage to get back to being strong and whole... but this is killing me.
I never anticipated this ending like this. He went from "I'm trying to get a really good job so i can support you because i want you in my life forever" on Saturday to "I can't do this anymore" on Sunday night.
I understand why it happened, and I'm trying very hard not to dwell on the bad things, but this really really hurts. I love him in the same way that I love my wife, and to lose that like this is one of the hardest things i've ever had to deal with.
I'm not leaving the forum though, I need to keep reading and learning, and maybe we can try this again, if not with him (L has said she doesn't think she can ever try again with him after the things he said, I would go back to this with him tomorrow if he asked me to), then with someone else farther down the road.
I know what i need to do next time to allow this to work better, and huge changes will be made in my current relationship to reflect that.
It just hurts like hell right now.
Thanks for listening guys,