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Old 01-24-2013, 07:30 PM
katja24 katja24 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 38

Wow, thank you all for your insightful replies.

BreatheDeeply: I think you hit it on many really significant points. He doesn't desire more 1-1 time with me right now, and I don't plan on asking for it because I don't want to push him away further and I don't want to be needy. Also, yes, the rejection-anxiety dynamic has been detrimental to his ability to be honest. That is something that I am working on managing. My simple acknowledgment a few months ago, to myself and to him, that I am an insecure-attachment type has been really helpful in understanding our dynamics when I experience a trigger. The anxieties and insecurities are things that I am doing a lot of introspective inquiry with, and in the context of my regular counseling.

Marcus: I appreciate your suggestions. I don't really feel like my self esteem is an issue. My engagement with my own activities and relationships is something that I have been addressing, and was the impetus for going back into counseling six months ago. That part of my life is getting stronger, and yes, it is helpful to have a wider support network and activity interests.

Anneintherain: I really like your suggestion, and I honestly don't have an idea about how he would feel about having a weekly low-key non-domestic date. It's a good idea though. And in response to your question, more "romantic" time has been a desire of mine for a long time (years), and I was just able to verbalize what that meant to me a couple of months ago (sensual touch, massage, presence, meditation with each other and on each other).

GalaGirl: Yes, your suggestion about stopping the joint day-to-day activities was one a friend also suggested. I honestly don't feel willing to give those things up. I really like the conflict resolution styles article your suggested. I definitely used to be a complete accommodator, and now I am much more of a compromiser or collaborator. It was helpful to look at it and reflect on how we each approach conflict.

ShakingFlower: I am curious what personality traits you see as similar :-) Thank you for your empathy and support!!
25 yr old queer woman with primary male partner, J
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