Well, that meeting with guy went much better than expected. It was a little awkward at first, but after we had a little beer and pizza the conversation really started to flow. We talked about our histories and what we wanted from the future, and he assured me he was comfortable being in a secondary role, and had no intentions of interfering with our kids. We talked about scheduling and practical things like that, too. I told him I felt it important that W spend at least a little more time with our family, and he wholeheartedly agreed.
We talked a lot about how important it was to keep this relationship out of the public eye as much as possible, and keeping it from the girls. He's a professional (actually we all are), but we agreed that it would hurt us professionally if word got out, because especially where we live (deep in the Bible Belt), most people would frown on our activities.
His W apparently had an affair before they talked about opening their marriage, and I could tell how hurt he was. I decided not to tell him about my W's affair, because I didn't want to portray her too much in a negative light. I figure she may eventually tell him herself, and we can deal with that then. I also didn't tell him about her bi-polar issues and depression. Again, I'll let her tell him when she chooses.
We didn't really talk about the issues between W and me, except in a very vague sense, that we're working on things and things seem to be getting better. He talked a lot about his divorce, and the events leading up to that. Apparently his W instigated the open marriage, and then later decided she liked her new guy better, and they could never resolve the issue, and so they moved into divorce. He and I both recognized the possible similarities to what's going on now, and he assured me that will not happen, because he's been there and knows the pain of being relegated to second place. Ironically, now his W is dragging her feet with their divorce, and having second thoughts now that reality is setting in. Turns out for her maybe the grass wasn't necessarily greener on the other side.
So I think things are getting better. When I got home, W said she was freaking out about how things were going to go with me and him. I assured her things went well, and went on to tell her about most of the stuff we talked about.
Last edited by learninginTN; 01-24-2013 at 02:03 PM.