I read this thread twice today and avoided replying.
Then after homework and kid stuff and settling down for the night to go to sleep, it came back to mind.
I lay there thinking "you can ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF"
So I got back up out of bed to write a short response.
It seems we are programmed somewhere along the line to think that stomping our feet and demanding changes and answers will accomplish something.
But the truth is, that EVERY person is an individual and has the right to make myriad choices every day.
YOU keep asking for how to make this work.
There is NO ANSWER for that question.
You are asking the wrong question.
The question is-what do you need to change about yourself to become the best version of yourself?
Not WHO do you need-because you don't need anyone for this.
You alone must figure out what it is you need to change in yourself to be the best version of yourself.
Then-make those changes.
In doing so-you might find that the situation works.
Or you may find that it does not work and you are ok with it.
Either way-you are trying to focus on the problem in order to find the answer.
You need to focus on the answer in order to resolve the problem.
The problem is that you don't like abcd....xyz about your situation. ALL of which is a product of your choices. (even if it's their behavior-you are involved due to your own choices).
So-change YOURSELF to be the best version of yourself, so you attract people who like that version of yourself and people who love that version of yourself and help foster that version of yourself.
If those two people end up doing that-great.
If not-so long.
Heavy and strong feelings of affection do not equate love and love does not equate compatibility.
What you FEEL about them is (to be frank) completely irrelevant that this point.
What is relevant is WHAT YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON IS SELF-IMPROVEMENT.
Try reading The Seven Levels of Intimacy & anything by Pema Chodron.
It may help some too.
And I second the above poster-regardless of breaking up or not-
MOVE OUT ON YOUR OWN.
There is a LOT of personal growth that happens MUCH quicker and more easily when you are on your own.
What will take you 20 years to figure out while jumping from one failed relationship to another;
will take 2 years of living on your own. If that.
"Love As Thou Wilt"