Originally Posted by Helo
Monogamy is one way and one way only.
Hmm - I don't know if I'd agree.
Seems to me like people approach monogamy very differently. Some live with their partner, some don't - these choices will result in very different relationship structures. Some have children, some don't - again marking a massive difference.
Some monogamous couples spend all their spare time together, do the same hobbies as each other, have almost no friends or family and only each other.
Others do the spending all their spare time together but also mix with lots of friends and family.
Others don't. Others spend lots of time apart pursuing their own interests and keeping their own groups of friends.
Some are only friends with other couples or with people who they are not sexually attracted to.
Others have a wide variety of friends who they see apart from their partner. Some of whom they may hold hands with, snuggle up to, kiss, hug, go to for emotional support and engage in hobbies with.
These all exist in monogamy just as they do in polyamory. I see it as a spectrum and I don't think that any one model is better in and of itself.
Just like I don't think it's better to have children than it is to not have them - depends on the wants and lifestyle and interests of each individual.
I use the words 'MY sister', 'MY brother', 'MY mum', 'MY friend' etc. Doesn't mean I'm indicating ownership - rather that I'm describing the relationship I have with those individuals. 'MY brother' has a sister who isn't me. 'MY mum' has 2 other children. Any of one 'MY friends' have loads of friends that aren't me.