I am new to this but all I can say is don't be so hard on youself...
Take a breath, love youself & do what you need to do. Try & look at the big picture.
Everything always works out the way its meant to, even if its painful for a while.
Me: "B" Bisexual Female, sub, in a long term open relationship with "A"
Him: "A" Male Domme, poly
Her: "C" Bisexual Female, sub....new