So, primary BF corralled me, and I explained the situation to him. He told me he couldn't, in good faith, keep why I was angry from her for long, despite my wishes. I said I understood his perspective, and appreciated his honesty. I told him I was sorry to lose him as a friend, as our actual (utterly platonic) relationship was just getting fun. We walked back to their house, and I told her why I was angry.
I told her that I only expect, only require, two things from my friends. Honesty and integrity. She'd violated both of those things and so I could not trust her. This meant that the friendship was over. I would have liked to let it fizzle on its own, as I had suggested when I first told her I had a crush on her, as that could have allowed for a more comfortable casual set of interactions, but that apparently this needed to be hashed out right this very second. I used her words from the conversation to remind her of the things she'd said, told her I could not abide duplicity and two-faced-ness, and that I was very sorry that the friendship had come to mean so very little to her that she couldn't just be straightforward about anything.
She told me that it wasn't meant as malicious, that she'd been trying to process a whole bunch of other things and then my stuff on top of it, and that she hadn't meant to be hurtful (not a real apology, by the way) and that the friendship didn't mean little to her. It meant a lot, but that she could see there was nothing she could say while dashing off to work that could fix this now.
I said there was nothing she could say that would repair this, period. She then promised to get off of my phone contract as soon as possible because "she didn't want to be beholden to me." Christ, she owes me a real fucking apology, 3 months of a phone bill and like $300...and that hadn't even fucking occurred to me until she brought it up. That wasn't the fucking point, and I told her so. Then I left, she went inside to change for work and BF and DH went out for drinks.
I went home, where I am now, and did the first immature thing in this situation I could do. I posted the below on the forum-stalker's FB page:
"I hope you practice a better shade of confidentiality and respect for privacy in your job than you do when meddling in the lives of your friends." Then I tagged her in it. It took him about an hour to unfriend me, but hey...he came to me, violated my requests for information not to be shared, and was an abject dick. I don't feel too bad for him. I screenshotted it in case it comes up later.
I think this ends our little adventure into this world, but I thank you all for your advice, support and information. This would have been harder without the frames of reference.
29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::