I reminded him what he had said about not being interested in other women and he said it was true at the time and asked if he was allowed to have a change of heart. That was fair so I said yes. and he started to look…So now he is looking. And I hate it.
He can have a change of heart. Anyone can. And he could come to you to renegotiate. That is fair, possible and he is being honest to you in communicating to you his feelings changing and asking for renegotiate.
You do NOT have to just automatically agree to new terms though just because he's reporting new emotional weather to you! That is on you for lying to him about your willingness to go there if you actually are not willing.
I have no idea how something so amazing has now turned into a nightmare.
I think it went wahoonie when you stopped being in right relationship with yourself and stopped being honest to yourself and your spouse.
You were not honest to your husband about YOUR OWN feelings about renegotiation or keeping the limit where it stood. You gave him false info. That's a lie about your true feelings/position -- lying to him and to yourself.
All he did was report his new feelings, ask for a renegotiate, and... believed information from his wife.
Problem 1: jealousy
then? Could do more Page 5 and page 6 things?
Problem 2: You went against your own willingness and desire in open relationship model
? You want to participate in a CLOSED V shape thing with you as the shared female sweetie. And that is it. Not willing to be in any other shape open relationship model.
But you lied to spouse/you about your willingness to be in this new shape thing and regret it now.
Could come clean to spouse and apologize for the false info lie.
I think you all could call a "Time Out" and have some serious talks. Get it sorted and back into right relationship with all your people before it goes further.
Get back into right relationship with yourself too.
Hang in there. Be brave, and bring it on back from wacky places -- communicate more honestly.