Kink is a head trip. Edge play of the body
to get to the head trip but head trip all the same. Good for you for knoing what turns you on in the department.
I am poly. But I don't necessarily thrive as poly in any situation. I'm coming to discover that if certain conditions are met within my relationship(s), I can thrive as poly, but without certain conditions, I don't do so well as poly.
Does that make sense?
Sure. You want it the way you want it. In the way that makes you tick. What shape that is for you is going to be different than the shape it is for someone else.
You have the right to want whatever shape it is that floats your boat. Be it your polyshipping or your kink. You seem like it heavy on the "DS" bit in "BDSM" and you seem to want it to be 24/7 D/s arrangement. That's fine.
I am wondering if those who are drawn to poly, but cannot make it work; or those who struggle much with it, but still desire it, just aren't finding the proper prescription of poly for them, whatever that may be.
Yup. It requires knowing one's own wants, needs, and limits. And then being able to articulate and communicate it to another person.
Like... If you doesn't know what you want or are looking for, how can you hope to date to find it? You can't even tell your dating partner what it is ye seek so you can both discern if this is a runner or not!
You sound like you DO know what you are after -- so seek it out!
If I do not have this.....structure, let's say.....then I sort-of fumble around haphazardly and vacillate between being clingy, self-righteous, or apathetic and even angry; I want to rail and rant and rave against poly and my very human feelings that arise with polyships. And a love/hate relationship with poly ensues.
...imply you are entering polyships that fall short of what ye seek? I cannot tell.
If so, and it yields those kinds of yucky feelings, could stop doing that behavior then. Don't get into polyships that are not actually what ye seek. Then you can just love the polyship you DO choose to enter into and not have to deal in "love/hate" stuff.