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Old 01-23-2013, 04:52 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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To me it sounds like you prefer an open model relationship that is primary-secondary. He prefers an open model relationship that is co-primary. Did you guys talk about what open model relationship you are seeking when you first started out? If not, this could be the time to square up on that to see if this is even a runner before investing more into it.

That sounds like square 1 to me. Make sure you are on the same page there first. Otherwise the rest is moot. People are looking for different things -- that's why it is dating. The seach for the most compatible. Things can also change in time -- but at THIS time... what are you seeking?

Assuming you both want the same open relationship model, and you are actually at the square 2 place of learning to be IN the model you have chosen for yourselves together and find yourself struggling with jealousy... could any of these help? Esp the jealousy one? The page 5 and page 6 things are being done or not?

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html

You sound willing to nurture a relationship with her. But not willing to LISTEN to TMI things from him at this time.

Where exactly is the TMI line at this point in time? It could change over time to where you are more comfortable hearing things but him GUSHING at you like a sloppy hinge person at this point in time could be overwhelming if that is what is happening.
Quote:
They have already said "I love you" to eachother, which after such a short time just makes his "I love you" to me feel devalued.
And how do you know this happened? Because he told you? Do you want to know this stuff at this time? Or would you rather know this time at a slower pace?

Is he all up in NRE with her and gushing all over? Is he spending time to nurture your tier of relationship in the polymath with you? The (you + him) layer? Or neglecting it?

Quote:
He says that eventually he would love if we all become equal & move in together.
That's nice. But you don't have to share that want, and neither does she. You guys have voices of your own.

Is he just sharing a dream hope fantasy there or is he being pushy to you and her about it?

Depending on how that is presented, that's feeding your secure bucket (him sharing his vulnerable and trusting you with it) or feeding your insecure bucket. (him pushing you toward things you do not want.)

Again -- could be sloppy hinge sounding to me. So caught up in his own lalas that he's gushing all over. Do you find him to be a sloppy hinge person or a solid one? Have you given him that feedback?

It is understandable if he's in NRE brain cascade mode. But at the same time... you guys could talk about how to weather NRE together better here. Could choose to work it out so everyone can be feeling good here.

GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-23-2013 at 04:57 PM.
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